JACK'S            GOAL

14 years on…When we lost Jack in 2005 I wondered how we’d ever go on. It was for Jack’s two brothers – supporting them, helping them cope with their grief - that was all that kept us going. The early days were a black fog that spiralled around us. Every day was a mountain to climb without our precious boy. He had been the centre of our universe for so long that adjusting to life without him was excruciating. Simple things like setting the table – 8 years on I often still automatically set 5 places then realise with a dull thud in my stomach that we are now only 4.When you lose someone and people tell you that time heals they have clearly not experienced such loss. Time does not heal – I would not want it too – it simply brings a kind of acceptance. Almost a sense of calm; less anger and more memories.Only recently was I able to watch a video of Jack in Florida which brought back happy memories – before now the thought of hearing his voice, seeing him so happy, would have been like a knife twisting in an old wound. I watched it with Charlie, my youngest son, who talks about Jack daily and misses him as much as ever. His big brother, his best friend.People’s lives move on – they have to and we cannot resent them their future and their happiness. However painful it is to watch Jack’s peer group move on – going to ‘big’ school, leaving school, getting ready for university. New babies are born into the family – yet they will never experience Jacks’ overwhelming love, his infectious laugh and heart-warming hugs.Our lives have moved on too. Our eldest son went off to uni – letting him go was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. Fighting the urge to lock him in his room where I could protect him from the world was overwhelming! Letting go is probably the hardest thing because our children are so very precious to us.But they must live their own lives however difficult it is for us to accept.